First - Prev - Home - Archives - Next - LastEpisode 13: New Station, New Weirdness, Old Cast
Daniel: Okay, shuttle's arriving, settle down, settle down!
Travis: I DON'T WANT TO SETTLE DOWN, I WANT TO SETTLE UP!
Daniel: Someone get Travis some O2, I think he's been in the dogpile a bit too long.
Travis: No, I'm just going insane from being packed on this sardine can with all of you for a day.
Danielle: Hey, does anyone else here notice how the station looks... different?
Travis: It does look a little different... maybe we got a Wendy's?
Danielle: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND WENDY'S?
Boris: *is sleeping and muttering Ja over and over in his sleep*
Bob: Does he always do that?
Travis: Yes, he does, except when he's having nightmares, then it's "nyet". And it scares me.
Bob: Ah.
Draxxan: Oh man I hope the medical bay and research lab got upgraded!
Danielle: Okay, quiet down, we don't know if they left anyone there. The place may be swarming with SWAT for all we know. Tasers out and ready!
Travis: Aye aye ma'am! *tases self in the foot* OW!
Daniel: Give me that *takes taser from Travis*
Travis: awww. :(
Daniel: No stealing from my holsters while my back is turned!
Travis: I wonder if they got any new toxins for me to play with.
Danielle: I hope not.
Draxxan: Yeah, the last time you played with plasma I had to use the cryo three times. Man, I really, really hope they get a second cryo in there.
Travis: Are you implying that I'm dangerous?
Danielle: No, we're implying that you're a moron who should not be toxins researcher.
Travis: Oh, that's much better then. :D
Danielle: Hmm, I wonder if I should demote him to janitor...
Daniel: Ma'am, with respect, I think he could actually do more damage as a janitor.
Travis: Hey, I found a broom in here! *knocks self out*
Daniel: See? At least in the toxins lab he has metal shielding and only blows HIMSELF up.
Danielle: Okay, I see your point. Taser crews, get ready to enter!
Daniel: Move over, move over *Boris' foot in eye* OW!
Boris: JAAAAAAAAAA*tasered*
Daniel: At least he's still vulnerable to that. Okay, get ready...
*shuttle doors swing open*
Daniel: GO GO GO!
Travis: *spinning the broom like a lethal ninja weapon* HAVE AT YOU! *knocks Danielle out* oops.
Daniel: Oh for !@$!'s sake... someone weld him in the closet.
Draxxan: On it!
Travis: Hey, hey! *slammed bodily into closet... three times*
Draxxan: I have ALWAYS wanted to do that. *welds closet shut*
Daniel: Okay, let's start clearing the station!
Random Crewmember: HEY, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO-*tasered*
Random Crewmember #2: WOO, SPACE BEER! *falls over drunk*
Daniel: ... Don't bother tasering him.
Random Crewmember #3: HOW THE HELL DO I PUT ON MY JUMPSUIT?! *running around naked until he's tasered*
Random Crewmember #4: AI, OPEN THE DAMN DOORS SO I CAN BUILD BOMBS!
*station shakes from a bomb impact*
RC#4: *sighs* Nevermind. *tasered*
Daniel: ... Since when did space station 13 have a teleporter room?
Security McSecurityingsoningnesseredingingingingingnesserington: I have no idea, but these aren't the corridors I remember.
Travis: Did his name just get longer?
Daniel: Prob- wait, I thought you were locked in a closet.
Travis: I got better.
Daniel: That doesn't make sense.
Travis: Yeah, I lied. I just keep a welder in my pants... for reasons I can't remember...
Daniel: Too many blows to the head?
Travis: Yup. And other places... ;)
Daniel: Okay, if I give you a spare taser, will you go somewhere where you WON'T creep all of us out?
Travis: It can't hurt your chances.
Daniel: Fine. *gives Travis a taser*
Travis: WOOOO! *prances off down the hallway, tasering every inanimate object he sees*
Daniel: He scares me.
???: *Hello, and again, welcome to the Aper... um.. Welcome to Space Station 13.*
Daniel: Who is that?
???: *I am the AI for this station. I was installed and activated roughly 3.14159 days ago.*
Daniel: ... Do you have a name?
???: *I am the "Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System", but you may call me GLaDOS.*
Daniel: ... Why do I have the strange sense of forboding?
GLaDOS: *This is a common occurence caused by the Apertur-... I mean, Nanotransen Material Emancipation grid. Other side effects include-*
Daniel: NEVERMIND! Just... tell me what's going on here!
GLaDOS: *I am currently serving the new crew appointed to the recently redesigned Space Station 13. After the previous crew was imprisoned for trial due to genetic tampering, a new crew was sent to take it's place.*
Travis: *behind Daniel* That's nice and all, but, do we have a Wendy's now?
GLaDOS: *Corridor 27.*
Travis: YES! *runs off*
Daniel: You're kidding me.
GLaDOS: *I am afraid I am not. However, the Wendy's is not staffed.*
Travis: *distantly* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Daniel: Oh, good. Unfortunately now he'll be badgering us to transfer engineering personell to go staff it. Too bad nobody in the crew's a good cook.
GLaDOS: *There are several members of the crew who, I am told, make a mean Nanotransen instant lunch.*
Daniel: Yeah, but not in OUR crew.
GLaDOS: *I am afraid I don't understand.*
Danielle: *nursing bump on head* Nevermind, GLaDOS, please tell us the way to the bridge.
GLaDOS: *That way. *arrow lights up on wall**
Daniel: Since when could Space Station 13's walls do that?! It's almost like they totally rebuilt the station!
GLaDOS: *Actually, they could always do that. It's just the old Space Station 13 had no AI. In addition, the new Space Station 13 was assembled out of the major modular components of the old one, such as the engine and electronic components. Major redesigns had to be performed upon the toxins, genetics, medbay, and atmospheric syst-*
Daniel: Thank you for the history lesson, but we'll be on our way now.
GLaDOS: *Confirmed, please let me know of any other queries you have. Also, please watch out for the cake.*
Danielle: Ummm, cake?
GLaDOS: *I mean, there is plenty of cake. We just haven't found it yet. So please keep your eyes open for it. *
Travis: *hits Danielle with a toolbox* BITCH!
Danielle: *is not knocked out, kicks Travis across the room and into a wall*
Travis: *CLONG* Ow... Wait, why didn't it knock you out? Toolboxes are the ultimate weapons.
GLaDOS: *Actually, after careful consideration the Aperture Science- I mean Nanotransen research team determined that the twenty pound lead weight used in all standard Nanotransen toolboxes was excessive and had very little purpose, so it was removed.*
Travis: NOOOOOOOOOO! *picks up a fire extinguisher and knocks Danielle out with it* That felt good.
GlaDOS: *However, the ten pound lead weight at the bottom of all fire extinguishers remains.*
Danielle: X_x
Daniel: *throws his taser at Travis' head so hard he's instantly knocked out*
*elsewhere*
Boris: JAJAJAJAJA! *is hanging from the chapel ceiling by a rope*
Draxxan: Explain to me why we're doing this again...
Bob Bobbert Bobbington: Because, my good man,...
Draxxan: Yes?
Bob: Actually, I have no clue. It just sounded fun to do.
Boris: JAJAJAJAJAJA!
Bob: That and he can't hurt anyone up there... I hope we get this station secured soon so we can get him something to do. He seems to have terminal boredom.
Draxxan: Wait, he'll die because he's too bored?
Bob: No, OTHER people will die because he's too bored.
Chaplain: Why in the name of the Lord art thouest doing?
Bob: Keeping the Russian guy from destroying the station?
Chaplain: My son, this is not the way!
Bob: Sure it is!
Chaplain: Let that poor man down right this instant!
Draxxan: No.
Chaplain: I sa-
Draxxan: I know what you said, bu
Bob: Let me explain.
Draxxan: Alrighty. *gets a stick and starts hitting Boris with it*
Boris: JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAAAAAAA!
Bob: You see, Boris is from Russia.
Chaplain: And?
Bob: And that's all. Have a nice day. *walks away*
Chaplain: ....
Draxxan: You get used to the weirdness.
Chaplain: Lord help me.
*TO BE CONTINUED DUE TO LAZINESS*
© 2009 Daniel Muir and Travis Prue
GLaDOS is © 2007 Valve.
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